Zane Zakroff

Zane was an infamous intergalactic outlaw long before the first Homo sapiens ever gazed at the stars. 

Infamous in each and every corner of the galaxy for his reputation as a space cowboy pirate, Zane’s name struck fear in those who dared to simply fathom him. Despite his reputation, no creature, critter, amoeba, seabear, wookie, anaerobic fauna, or other type of conscious lifeform knew what he did to gain this reputation. All anyone could recall was he was bad news and that he brought nothing but interplanetary warfare and apocalypse wherever he went. Because of his isolating reputation, Zane warped from system-to-system with not even a lone asteroid to call home. After all, who would welcome this universally notorious extraterrestrial bandit?

The real truth is that Zane was made of pure stardust--and just a bit too much of it. The Big Bang not only created the universe as we know and love it, but it also fabricated Zane Zakroff. Unknowingly cursed by his cosmic composition, Zane’s resting energetic output overwhelmed any entered environment, accidentally killing off natural life and leaving behind wastelands. This unconscious phenomenon earned our space ranger his tragic reputation of a mass-plundering supervillain.

But that all changed when he learned to sing.

While floating among the stars, Zane took a pit stop at Earth, the home planet of countless creatures like Homo sapiens (humans) and Scarabaeus viettei (dung beetles). Zane crashed through the stratosphere and miraculously landed on the campus of the University of Colorado Boulder, precisely piercing through the ceiling of the UMC. Unknown to him, his pit stop coincided at the same time as the first rehearsal of the CU Buffoons, and they were singing their hit single “Put Your Records On.” It was at this marvelously mediocre planet where Zane discovered something he had never witnessed in his countless eons of space exploration: music. 

After getting over their shock, the Buffoons invited Zane to sing with them (specifically on Tenor I). He picked it up like it was all he had practiced during his time in the stars! Completely unbeknownst to him, singing with the Buffoons was exactly what he needed to curb his intergalactic infamy. Acappella music took his consistent output of pure energy and harnessed it into impeccable vocal performance, which took his output from astronomical to average human! 

The Buffoons are absolutely thrilled to have Zane in the group. Currently a junior in (STUDY AREA), Zane has done nothing but leave everyone starstruck with his singing. He brings a bright smile into any room he enters, and leaves behind lifted spirits. WE LOVE U ZANE U DA GOAT!!!